We’ve all heard some variation of the saying, “it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey.” My fitness journey has been lifelong, and I’ve finally reached my destination.
I’ve always been overweight. Compared to my older brother at birth, who was the size of a “pop can,” I on the other hand was “ham.” As a child of the 80’s, I rode my bike all day, every day. Every summer from the age of eight to 16, I played softball. I played outside as much as I could because that’s what kids did. Looking back, I thought I was active and healthy. I never let my weight affect me. I never gave it two thoughts, until every doctor visit in my teenage years, they would make some rude comment about my weight to my mom; enter the self-consciousness, doubt, and self-esteem issues.
At age 17, I was put on multiple and expensive diet pills which gave me short term success and it was short term because once I went off the pills, I gained the weight plus some back. By the age of 25, I was weighing around a steady 250 lbs. When a doctor’s visit would come around, I would quickly be reminded how seriously overweight I was. I was never looked at as a person by a doctor, just a number. And soon, that’s how I started to see and value myself too. When I turned 27, I tried LA Weightloss for six months. It was expensive, a lot of work, and they basically starved you. It wasn’t teaching me anything except not to eat. I did lose weight, but can you guess what happened next? I gained the weight plus DOUBLE back, and I was hungrier than ever! I remember I had purchased $100 worth of groceries and eating it all within a week. After I called my mother and told her what happened she suggested I go see a doctor - just the person I wanted to see (insert eye roll). After some testing, I learned I had a medical condition that was making me gain weight. I was now diagnosed with hypothyroidism. It was now going to be even harder to lose weight. I gave up, waved the white flag, and watched the number on the scale in disgust go up and up and up. From 28-32, I did Weight Watchers several times – no success. What would I learn long-term from counting numbers associated with food? I saw several dieticians who told me just about every food was bad. I would do a Zumba class here and there but not enough to lose weight. I joined several gyms but never actually stepped foot in them due to “gymtimidation.” Sometime later, I decided to join a local fitness studio. I worked out 2 days a week. I tracked what I ate and was incorporating vegetables into my diet. I saw minimal changes with weight loss, but I was getting injured more than I was getting healthy. Eventually work would overcome my life and I went to the fitness studio less and less and my diet became consistent of fast food. A few months to maybe a year would pass until I would join Orangetheory Fitness, a great concept but for someone who wasn’t in shape, it nearly killed me. I would leave dripping wet, feeling defeated and wondering how people could enjoy a workout like that. I joined the gym at my job where I would occasionally do leg presses, chest flys and row for a few minutes.
Another year or two would go by, my weight would continue to increase. My weight would climb to an all-time high of 340 lbs. Me saying I was miserable was an understatement. I felt like I hit my rock bottom and I needed serious help. Weightloss surgery was suggested to me years ago, but I felt like I wasn’t there. Being defiant, I thought I could lose the weight myself. But trying everything and failing, I gave in and had the surgery. WLS is very hard work and anyone who thinks it’s easy has no idea. After losing over 115 lbs, my surgeon still wasn’t happy with my scale number. My new goal weight given to me was 160 lbs. I started doing Pilates three times a week which still wasn’t enough. I was being so pressured by my surgeon that I needed to lose more weight, that he wanted to put me on weight loss pills. I then decided to invest in a personal trainer at a big box gym on top of Pilates. He only showed up 25% of the time. Luckily, I was able to get out of that contact. And I slowly stopped seeing my surgeon.
I spent late nights searching for a good personal trainer. Trying someone at commercial gym again was out of the question. After one night of searching, I found Anthony via a Google search. The next day I called and scheduled a consult and I’ve been a client of his ever since. It’s been almost two years. This is the longest I have ever stuck with working out. “What is different about this time” you ask? Easy, I NEVER knew what I was doing in the gym. I didn’t know what equipment to use or how long to use it for. I also decided to no longer work out to reach a goal weight of 160 lbs. I am not trying to be skinny. Healthy can look many ways. I no longer work out to be accepted by others, especially doctors.
Look, I get its important to be healthy when it comes to certain measurements and guidelines from the medical field, but I am healthy by the terms I define.
I’m going to say this for the people in the back – you are more than a number on the scale. I am more than a number on the scale. I can walk up a flight of steps without getting winded, I can walk a mile. I can bend over and tie my shoes, and if I needed to throw someone over my shoulder and carry them to safety I could because I am stronger. These are my #goals! I am completely, 100% happy. While my past fitness journey has been filled with sadness and defeat along the way and it took way longer than I anticipated, in the end, I kept going until I reached MY desired destination, a place I’ve never been to before – self-worth.
-Shawna